Perks Of Marrying A Cowboy

Single women seem to swoon over a guy in a cowboy hat, whether he’s the real deal or not. Once a gal finds herself in a relationship with a genuine, bonafide working cowboy, though, and things go from “significant other” to “spouse,” she quickly learns that the next phase is “oh, shit, we don’t have any money.” But take heart, Mrs. Cowboy! There are many perks to marrying a man who rides and ropes for a living. Here are a few.

1) There isn’t nearly as much laundry as you’d think, mainly because your husband decides to go old-school buckaroo and not permit his Levi 501s to be washed. He will still request patch jobs, though, so you better hope and pray that he wears underwear.

2) Since you live in the middle of the Big Empty, you don’t have to sit at home with the kids on a Saturday night while he’s at the bar. Unless Hezzi comes to visit, and then…wait, I’m still not ready to talk about that incident.

3) He will saddle a broke horse so you can get the baby ready and meet the crew at the branding trap, then hop on to rope one set. Much has been said about ranch women having to “do it all” and “work twice as hard as the men” with all their cooking and cleaning in addition to riding and roping. If you’re working yourself to exhaustion every day and it’s not the busy season, then it’s your own dang fault for not picking a better caliber of husband.

Thanks for saddling Teaks for me, honey! And starting him. And putting him in the bridle. And giving him to me when we were dating. Yep, he treats me well and I know it.

4) You are guaranteed to have wedding pictures that include a groom handsomely decked out in a cowboy hat. Judging from the amount of non-cowboys who wear cowboy hats and boots at their weddings, I am guessing this is a big deal? I married a guy who has worked full-time as a cowboy since he was 17 years old, and he only just barely wore a cowboy hat to our wedding. His work hat was too trashed to wear to town, and his brand-new custom one arrived via UPS on the afternoon that we left to get married in Reno. If the mail hadn’t come through, he would have gotten married in a Clayton Edsall ball cap. Not even joking. Dodged a bullet there! (No offense, Clayton. Your hats are awesome and all, but a tad understated for a groom.)

5) Things like having a comfortable saddle that doesn’t sore horses and a wide variety of bridles to choose from are top work-related priorities. This is a perk because it’s cool and unique; most people employed in today’s workforce are concerned about updating their iCrap and buying as many lunches as they can on the corporate ticket. I think it’s badass that good leather and silver are still relevant to our family’s income. 21St Century, what?

6) You will have a-freaking-dorable pictures like this for the family photo album. A grand backdrop, a cute little tow-headed barely-not-baby and a handsome cowboy…if I weren’t me, I would totally be jealous right now.

7) You never have to listen to your husband whine about needing a vacation. He knows vacations aren’t an option for cowboys, and he likes his vocation enough he doesn’t need a break from it. When he does take a break for a couple days, it’s to compete in a ranch rodeo, where he pays money to do what he normally gets paid to do all day long. This doesn’t make sense to me, either.

Okay, he doesn’t get paid to rope horses all day long, so this recreational activity is kind of legit.

This is just a starter list; there are more perks to marrying a cowboy. I hope you are enjoying life with your spouse, that’s the only way to do marriage.