We human beings typically prefer to learn our life lessons the hard way. In case you’re interested in shortcuts, here’s a cheat sheet straight from the perspective of a cowboy kid.
1)Pants are optional.
Don’t let society dictate what constitutes acceptable fashion. If you want to hang out in your front yard wearing a cowboy hat, long-sleeve shirt and cowboy boots, whip off those britches and get out the door.
2) Always size up your opponent before entering the arena.
Never back down. But if there’s an orangutan (big, scary, hairy critter) on the other side of the gate, it might be better to take a good look before jumping in spurs-first. You might want to grab bigger spurs.
3) Don’t be afraid to stick out your belly.
You work hard at avoiding sit-ups and only running when someone yells “Cake!” Regardless of your physique, you gotta show off that shape. Especially if your older sister is on your side, and she is even bigger and ornerier than you are.
4) Find a worthy role model to follow.
It doesn’t matter if your role model is the opposite gender or doesn’t believe in wearing shoes. We all need someone to look up to in this world, and not just because they’re taller than us. Once you find that person(s), you better not let them get too far away.
5) Dress for the job you want.
If you want to be a cowboy, then by gosh you better strap your spurs on each morning and head to the barn. Even if you don’t know exactly how to properly use the gear or fix a wonky item, put it on and hang out with people who know how to use it, and you’ll soon learn their skills.
6) Kick off your boots once in a while.
Occasionally, we all need to run barefoot and feel the dirt between our toes. It reminds us of our inherent freedom as human beings, our core connection with the natural world, and the primary reason for shoes: protection from sharp rocks and thorny plants.
7) Stop and figure out why there is poop on your hat.
Sometimes in life, you’ll discover that everything that was once green, growing and wonderful has turned to poop. Instead of a July hay field bordered by wildlfowers, you’ll discover you are surrounded by bare dirt and dried-up poop. It covers the ground at your feet and even adorns your hat.
Initially, you may become angry and withdrawn, pulling your hat down over your eyes in a futile effort to ignore the poop.
Then, you may become sullen and distant, pulling your hat up to acknowledge the world but allowing the poop to remain on your hat.
And then, to your (and your sister’s) dismay, you sometimes discover that YOU are the cause of the poop on your hat.
At this point, it is generally considered wise to stop putting poop on your hat. Cease your destructive actions, clean up your hat, and continue leading a clean, fulfilling, poop-free life.
8) Develop a Grrr Face for challenging times.
Next time life throws you a sh!tty situation, you can face it head-on with your hat pushed back and a fearsome grimace on your countenance.
9) Practice your pondering face.
It is wise to be able to look wise at a moment’s notice. This way, it somebody asks you a tricky question like “What is the meaning of life?” or “How do I cook spaghetti noodles that don’t stick together?” you can instantly switch into Pondering Mode until the inquisitor realizes that you are much too wise to be bothered with such trivial matters and heads off to solve their own problems, or look up the answer on Google.
10) Always bring a hat, because you never know when you might need a place to sit.
Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box. A hat is a hat, unless it’s a seat.